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==Marriage to Muhammad==
==Marriage to Muhammad==
Khadijah sent as her intermediary Nafisa bint Umayya, a freedwoman from Abu Hala’s tribe.<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:10, 172. She is sometimes known matrilinearly as Nafisa bint Munya, suggesting that she was illegitimate.</ref> Nafisa approached Muhammad at the bazaar and asked why he had never married. He replied that he could not afford to support a family. “But if money were no obstacle,” Nafisa persisted, “would you be willing to marry a lady of wealth, rank and beauty?” Muhammad asked which lady of that description would be willing to take him, and Nafisa named Khadijah. Muhammad instantly expressed his willingness.<ref>[http://www.soebratie.nl/religie/hadith/IbnSad.html#Book 35.1/ Ibn Saad, ''Tabaqat'' 1:35:1].</ref> When Khadijah next sent for Muhammad, it was to make a formal proposal. She spoke of how his noble ancestry, good reputation and personal honesty rendered him eligible, and offered herself as his wife.<ref>{{Tabari|6|p. 48}}.</ref>
Khadijah sent as her intermediary Nafisa bint Umayya, a freedwoman from Abu Hala’s tribe.<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:10, 172. She is sometimes known matrilinearly as Nafisa bint Munya, suggesting that she was illegitimate.</ref> Nafisa approached Muhammad at the bazaar and asked why he had never married. He replied that he could not afford to support a family. “But if money were no obstacle,” Nafisa persisted, “would you be willing to marry a lady of wealth, rank and beauty?” Muhammad asked which lady of that description would be willing to take him, and Nafisa named Khadijah. Muhammad instantly expressed his willingness.<ref>[http://www.soebratie.nl/religie/hadith/IbnSad.html#Book 35.1/ Ibn Saad, ''Tabaqat'' 1:35:1].</ref> When Khadijah next sent for Muhammad, it was to make a formal proposal. She spoke of how his noble ancestry, good reputation and personal honesty rendered him eligible, and offered herself as his wife.<ref>{{Tabari|6|p. 48}}.</ref>


When Muhammad told Nafisa that he had always wanted to marry but could not afford it, he was speaking from personal experience. He had hoped to marry his cousin Fakhita, but Abu Talib had prevented it by giving her to a wealthy man and telling Muhammad that the family needed to marry money.<ref>{{Tabari|39|p. 196}}. Bewley/Saad, ''Tabaqat'' 8:109.</ref> So Muhammad was looking for a wife and was in a frame of mind to consider any reasonable offer. Khadijah’s offer, of course, was enticing. Given her riches and status, Khadijah's patronage was the most extraordinary luck for Muhammad.
When Muhammad told Nafisa that he had always wanted to marry but could not afford it, he was speaking from personal experience. He had hoped to marry his cousin Fakhita, but Abu Talib had prevented it by giving her to a wealthy man and telling Muhammad that the family needed to marry money.<ref>{{Tabari|39|p. 196}}. Bewley/Saad, ''Tabaqat'' 8:109.</ref> So Muhammad was looking for a wife and was in a frame of mind to consider any reasonable offer. Khadijah’s offer, of course, was enticing. Given her riches and status, Khadijah's patronage was the most extraordinary luck for Muhammad.
Khadija was 40 years old when Muhammad married her. As for the age of Muhammad, most sources say he was 25, while other sources say he was 21 or 30 years old.<ref>الاستيعاب في معرفة الأصحاب لابن عبد البر، تحقيق البجاوي، ج4 ص1818
Ibn Abdul Barr (d.463 H). Al-Istiʕāb. Taqiq by Al-Bajāwī. Vol.4 p.1818</ref>


Muslim commentators have stressed how Khadijah was a “much older” woman and therefore Muhammad must have been noble and high-minded to marry her for her character rather than her physical charms.<ref>"''The Beloved Holy prophet preferred to have his first marriage with a fifteen years older widow shows [''sic''] how the Beloved Holy Prophet had a value of nobility and character more than anything else.''" - Saleem, H. M. (2012). [http://www.bzu.edu.pk/PJIR/eng%201%20Hafiz%20M.pdf/ Justification of the marriages of the Beloved Holy prophet.] ''Pakistan Journal of Islamic Research, 9'', 1-20.</ref> In the absence of explicit evidence for the manner of Muhammad's attraction to Khadjiah, it is difficult to prove high-minded intentions, particularly when one considers Khadijah's great wealth and status. While she was to prove both loyal and sympathetic,<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 111</ref> it is not clear that Muhammad had had the opportunity to assess these character-qualities in advance, having known her only very briefly and often through proxies. What is certain, on the other hand, is that he had had the opportunity to assess her wealth.
Muslim commentators have stressed how Khadijah was a “much older” woman and therefore Muhammad must have been noble and high-minded to marry her for her character rather than her physical charms.<ref>"''The Beloved Holy prophet preferred to have his first marriage with a fifteen years older widow shows [''sic''] how the Beloved Holy Prophet had a value of nobility and character more than anything else.''" - Saleem, H. M. (2012). [http://www.bzu.edu.pk/PJIR/eng%201%20Hafiz%20M.pdf/ Justification of the marriages of the Beloved Holy prophet.] ''Pakistan Journal of Islamic Research, 9'', 1-20.</ref> In the absence of explicit evidence for the manner of Muhammad's attraction to Khadjiah, it is difficult to prove high-minded intentions, particularly when one considers Khadijah's great wealth and status. While she was to prove both loyal and sympathetic,<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 111</ref> it is not clear that Muhammad had had the opportunity to assess these character-qualities in advance, having known her only very briefly and often through proxies. What is certain, on the other hand, is that he had had the opportunity to assess her wealth.


There is also no reason to assume that Khadijah was physically unattractive. If the report of Abdullah ibn Abbas is correct, she was a mere three years older than Muhammad, which does away with any presumed an age-difference. While a modern hagiography that describes her as “beautiful, tall and light-skinned”<ref>[http://www.maaref-foundation.com/english/library/pro_ahl/fatima/fatima_the_gracious/03.htm/ Ordoni, Abu M. (1987). ''Fatima the Gracious'', p. 27. Qum: Ansariyan Publications.]</ref> does not cite early sources, early sources do say that the servant Nafisa described Khadjiah as “beautiful”.<ref>[http://www.soebratie.nl/religie/hadith/IbnSad.html#Book 35.1/ Ibn Saad, ''Tabaqat'' 1:35:1].</ref> Even if Nafisa was exaggerating (the word used for “beautiful” in this context usually means “normal-looking” as opposed to deformed or ugly), it is doubtful that this could have had deceptive intent, given that Muhammad had already seen Khadijah for himself.
There is also no reason to assume that Khadijah was physically unattractive. If the report of Abdullah ibn Abbas is correct, she was a mere three years older than Muhammad, which does away with any presumed an age-difference. While a modern hagiography that describes her as “beautiful, tall and light-skinned”<ref>[http://www.maaref-foundation.com/english/library/pro_ahl/fatima/fatima_the_gracious/03.htm/ Ordoni, Abu M. (1987). ''Fatima the Gracious'', p. 27. Qum: Ansariyan Publications.]</ref> does not cite early sources, early sources do say that the servant Nafisa described Khadjiah as “beautiful”.<ref>[http://www.soebratie.nl/religie/hadith/IbnSad.html#Book 35.1/ Ibn Saad, ''Tabaqat'' 1:35:1].</ref> Even if Nafisa was exaggerating (the word used for “beautiful” in this context usually means “normal-looking” as opposed to deformed or ugly), it is doubtful that this could have had deceptive intent, given that Muhammad had already seen Khadijah for himself.
Muhammad and Khadijah were married for 25 years. Modern biographies of Khadijah sometimes state that her duties during the first fifteen years of her marriage were "purely those of a housewife and a mother,"<ref>"''During the first fifteen years of her marriage, Khadija’s duties were purely those of a housewife and a mother.''" - Razwy, S. A. A. (1990). ''Khadija-Tul-Kubra: The Wife of the Prophet Muhammed'', p. 146. New York: Tahrike Tarsile Qur’an.</ref> or that she "decided to retire and enjoy a comfortable life with her husband who, on his part, preferred an ascetic life to that of money making."<ref>"''Khadija ... felt no need to keep trading and increasing her wealth; instead, she decided to retire and enjoy a comfortable life with her husband who, on his part, preferred an ascetic life to that of money making.''" - [http://www.al-islam.org/biographies/khadija.htm/ Al-Jibouri, Y. T. (1994). ''Khadija Daughter of Khuwaylid, Wife of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh).'']</ref>
These interpretations, however, do not accord with the early records that Muhammad went into partnership with a Makhzumite, Qays ibn Saayib, and sold merchandise in his shop.<ref>Ibn Hanbal, ''Musnad'' vol. 4 p. 352.</ref> Since Muhammad was not producing anything by means of a craft, he could only have sold items in Mecca if he had imported them from elsewhere; and if he could pay for imports, he must have been exporting at a profit. In other words, Khadijah’s business continued after their marriage exactly as it had beforehand.
This circumstance explains a great deal about Muhammad’s relationship with Khadijah. His assertion that Khadijah “spent her wealth for me”<ref>Ibn Hanbal, ''Musnad'' vol. 6 pp. 117-118.</ref> indicates his keen awareness that the money was hers and not his. However important his managerial position in the family firm, and however generously Khadijah shared her wealth, she remained in control of her own money. Muhammad was effectively his wife’s employee. That he allowed Khadijah to make all their major decisions, in this light, is less surprising.<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 313.</ref>
Her regular childbearing and fidelity to Muhammad and numerous other accounts of his quickness to “draw close to her” for comfort,<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 106</ref> are described in the traditions. There even seems to have been a manner in which Khadija employed sex to distract him from his troubles.<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 107; {{Tabari|6|p. 73}}.</ref> All this would appear to suggest that their marriage was a functional one, and there is little reason to believe that Muhammad would have had to have some sort of exceptional virtue to have been successful within it.


==Controversial wedding==
==Controversial wedding==
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The story also foreshadows some types of consent Muhammad would go on to consider as legally binding. At various points in his life, he was to extract consent at sword-point,<ref>E.g., Guillaume/Ishaq 547.</ref> under duress,<ref>E.g., Guillaume/Ishaq 314-315. Bewley/Saad 8:87-88.</ref> from an immature or unsound mind,<ref>E.g., Bewley/Saad 8:43.</ref> by withholding essential information,<ref>E.g., Guillaume/Ishaq 463-464. {{Tabari|39|p. 165}}.</ref> by offering a choice between two bad alternatives,<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:40. Guillaume/Ishaq 493.</ref> by exploiting spiritual beliefs,<ref>[http://altafsir.com/Tafasir.asp?tMadhNo=0&tTafsirNo=74&tSoraNo=33&tAyahNo=36&tDisplay=yes&UserProfile=0/ Jalalayn, ''Tafsir'' Q33:36]. See also {{Quran|33|36}}. {{Bukhari|3|43|648}}, {{Muslim|4|3511}}.</ref> through bribery<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 438; 594-597.</ref> or by making promises that he intended to break.<ref>E.g., Guillaume/Ishaq 504, 509. Bewley/Saad 8:181-182.</ref> In light of this component to Muhammad's legacy, it is perhaps somewhat unclear why Waqidi felt the need to scrub the story of Khadijah's trickery from the record.  
The story also foreshadows some types of consent Muhammad would go on to consider as legally binding. At various points in his life, he was to extract consent at sword-point,<ref>E.g., Guillaume/Ishaq 547.</ref> under duress,<ref>E.g., Guillaume/Ishaq 314-315. Bewley/Saad 8:87-88.</ref> from an immature or unsound mind,<ref>E.g., Bewley/Saad 8:43.</ref> by withholding essential information,<ref>E.g., Guillaume/Ishaq 463-464. {{Tabari|39|p. 165}}.</ref> by offering a choice between two bad alternatives,<ref>Bewley/Saad 8:40. Guillaume/Ishaq 493.</ref> by exploiting spiritual beliefs,<ref>[http://altafsir.com/Tafasir.asp?tMadhNo=0&tTafsirNo=74&tSoraNo=33&tAyahNo=36&tDisplay=yes&UserProfile=0/ Jalalayn, ''Tafsir'' Q33:36]. See also {{Quran|33|36}}. {{Bukhari|3|43|648}}, {{Muslim|4|3511}}.</ref> through bribery<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 438; 594-597.</ref> or by making promises that he intended to break.<ref>E.g., Guillaume/Ishaq 504, 509. Bewley/Saad 8:181-182.</ref> In light of this component to Muhammad's legacy, it is perhaps somewhat unclear why Waqidi felt the need to scrub the story of Khadijah's trickery from the record.  
==Marriage to Muhammad==
Muhammad and Khadijah were married for 25 years. Modern biographies of Khadijah sometimes state that her duties during the first fifteen years of her marriage were "purely those of a housewife and a mother,"<ref>"''During the first fifteen years of her marriage, Khadija’s duties were purely those of a housewife and a mother.''" - Razwy, S. A. A. (1990). ''Khadija-Tul-Kubra: The Wife of the Prophet Muhammed'', p. 146. New York: Tahrike Tarsile Qur’an.</ref> or that she "decided to retire and enjoy a comfortable life with her husband who, on his part, preferred an ascetic life to that of money making."<ref>"''Khadija ... felt no need to keep trading and increasing her wealth; instead, she decided to retire and enjoy a comfortable life with her husband who, on his part, preferred an ascetic life to that of money making.''" - [http://www.al-islam.org/biographies/khadija.htm/ Al-Jibouri, Y. T. (1994). ''Khadija Daughter of Khuwaylid, Wife of Prophet Muhammad (pbuh).'']</ref>
These interpretations, however, do not accord with the early records that Muhammad went into partnership with a Makhzumite, Qays ibn Saayib, and sold merchandise in his shop.<ref>Ibn Hanbal, ''Musnad'' vol. 4 p. 352.</ref> Since Muhammad was not producing anything by means of a craft, he could only have sold items in Mecca if he had imported them from elsewhere; and if he could pay for imports, he must have been exporting at a profit. In other words, Khadijah’s business continued after their marriage exactly as it had beforehand.
This circumstance explains a great deal about Muhammad’s relationship with Khadijah. His assertion that Khadijah “spent her wealth for me”<ref>Ibn Hanbal, ''Musnad'' vol. 6 pp. 117-118.</ref> indicates his keen awareness that the money was hers and not his. However important his managerial position in the family firm, and however generously Khadijah shared her wealth, she remained in control of her own money. Muhammad was effectively his wife’s employee. That he allowed Khadijah to make all their major decisions, in this light, is less surprising.<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 313.</ref>
Her regular childbearing and fidelity to Muhammad and numerous other accounts of his quickness to “draw close to her” for comfort,<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 106</ref> are described in the traditions. There even seems to have been a manner in which Khadija employed sex to distract him from his troubles.<ref>Guillaume/Ishaq 107; {{Tabari|6|p. 73}}.</ref> All this would appear to suggest that their marriage was a functional one, and there is little reason to believe that Muhammad would have had to have some sort of exceptional virtue to have been successful within it.


==Children==
==Children==
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