Safsouf (former Muslim)
My Testimony of Leaving Islam
Some say I am still Muslim, some say I am not.
I grew up in a moderate Muslim family. My dad prays 5 times a day, my mother, from time to time and she doesn’t wear a Hijab.
Religion was a very important thing in my upbringing. Since I was a kid I had to pray, fast in Ramadan etc. My dad would always talk to me about religion in all matters, he would tell me stories about prophets, God etc.
It all made sense to me but it's not because something makes sense, then it is true. I read about other religions, they all make sense! Otherwise nobody would follow them. But its not about making sense, its about having proof.
Now nobody can prove god doesn’t exist, and no body can prove that god does exist. Personally, I believe in god. I believe that everything we do comes back to us. What goes around comes around. Karma. I always thought that the stories my dad would tell me are a bit like a fairy tale, Great soldiers, wars, killing the bad people, blah blah blah, but it didn’t seem real.
At one point in my life I was really disturbed, I couldn’t sleep at night I was wondering what the hell am I doing on earth, is there a god? Is it Allah?
I just didn’t know, so I decided to read and ask questions. First I came to the conclusion that hadith are nonsense. And the whole story of the prophet is nonsense. Why? Because the first biography of the prophet was written 100 years after his death, and the first book of hadith by Bukhari was written 200 years after his death!! So, logically, it didn’t seem right and objective to believe in the Hadith. A lot of those hadiths contradicted the Quran. The prophet was a pedophile and was killing Jews, killing apostates and stoning.
I asked a Mullah what he thought about someone not following the hadith. He told me I am not a Muslim, I am a Kafir. Who the hell gives him the right to say that? I was really frustrated, I told myself this guy thinks because he is a mullah that he will go to heaven or something?
Anyway, after that I still continued to follow the Quran, and did not accept anything else outside the Quran. The only things that bothered me from the Quran were the Wife beating part, and killing disbelievers. The popular Muslim belief is that the Quran is still the same as it was revealed to Mohammed. Actually nobody can prove that! So I am still doubtful whether there has been some tempering with the Quran.
What I like about the Quran is that it tells me not to follow the religion of my parents in blindness, that I have eyes and a brain and ears that I have to use, and I will be held accountable for them, that I have to question everything, that I have to listen and then take the best opinion.
So when I read verses about beating ones wife, I have to use my brain. I believe god created different religions deliberately, to test us, to see how we will react. I believe that he put this verse in the Quran where he says to beat your wife deliberately, to see which idiot is going to say: "Hey it's in the Quran!! I can do it!" When I read the Quran I don’t take it literally, I take the best, and leave the worst.
I believe that everyone is born with the sense of right and wrong, and we will be held accountable for our deeds. I don’t know if I will burn in hell or not, I hope not and I pray to god, but in the mean time I wont follow any idiot who claims God said that and this.
If God wanted to tell me something he would tell me himself. And he does tell me himself, like every time I go to smoke a cigarette, every time I lie. I feel it inside; its telling me what you’re doing is not good. That’s all I need. I don’t need to listen to imams. Whoever judges me, well I don’t care, one day we will all die, and we will see, till then let me live in freedom.
I believe that whether you’re Muslim, Christian or whatever, we are all equal, the only thing that matters is if you’re a bad person or a good person. Not your religion!!