Rose (former Muslim)
Testimony of Leaving Islam
I became I Muslim shortly after marrying 17 years ago. I come from a strong practicing Christian family. I read the Bible critically during long uninteresting sermons and realized in my late teens that Jesus was a Jew which was a revelation. I couldn't understand why Christians were not more like Jews in their practices, especially as Jesus actually said that he didn't come to change the law of Moses. I think this is why Islam seemed logical to me, it really felt like a continuation of the same thread.
I struggled a lot with the concept of polygamy but knew that it was compatible with the teachings of the Old Testament, so although I didn't like it I could accept it. Being a convert you read hadith, all the books on Islam you can find and also the Quran. I often felt hugely troubled about the things that I read, and like most people probably do, looked to the apologists to smooth out the 'nasty bits' for me. Years of a difficult marriage wore me down. He was a man of huge faith but not much patience, and I think he felt that I never lived up to his high ideals and I felt like a source of constant annoyance and disappointment to him. Three children followed and I started to worry about the future of my two daughters. I never stopped being troubled by what I read in Islamic books and in the end it felt like I had a beating drum in my head that would never stop.
I then read, to my horror, the age of Aisha on consummation of her marriage to the Prophet. I also read that this was backed up in the Quran and that there is in fact no minimum age at which girls could be married off. The drum in my head had never been louder or more persistent. I am now no longer married, but still feel that I cannot shake off my faith completely. I have justified things in the past by drawing parallels with the teachings of the Quran with the old testament, but feel that now if I throw out Islam I am also throwing away the teachings of the Bible, which for some reason I seem to find difficult to do. At this time I feel very troubled.