Ibn Rushd (former Muslim)
My Testimony of Leaving Islam
This begins in the fall of 2001 when I took my first course on western religion for my minor (now a major and now one year till graduation). It started on a Monday and 9/11 was the next day. The following day, Wednesday, the teacher said that it was a bad day. Throughout the semester I learned from watching TV and reading the Internet (for answers, I was curious) that Islam was peace and the terrorists were "hijacking" Islam to the detriment of everyone else. I bought a Koran translation by Ahmed Ali. I read and realized that it really was from God and that the Bible was lies. Ahmed Ali was hostile to the ahadith, saying that the replacement theory (one verse cancels another) was fiction from the ahadith. This made my finding of the Submitters/19ers such a relief. They're a group in Tucson whose founder (or renewer) was martyred by al-Qaeda in the early 90s. Modern science of course proved the Koran was from God since both were from the same source. Don't ask me to explain why it was easy to believe, it just happened.
Anyway, back to the university course: I learned that there was some translation in the Middle Ages and that as a result, no Greek works survive, PERIOD. It's all in Arabic, Greek was dead as dead could be. I didn't know that this was not true, and since I was interested in the New Testament for the early Christianity and knew it was in Greek, this contradiction didn't really click in my mind. I never thought about it. Sort of like when I accepted the Koranic science 120% my brain just shut off.
And so it was that Islam holds the key, and the West is wrong. If you have a hard time understanding this and how the connections can be made, don't worry: all Muslims think like this. And all Muslim wannabes, aka ACADHIMMIS.
I had bought the Koran in Oct 2001 and gobbled it up quickly. Throughout I really, REALLY wanted to go out and kill Jews, since every line told me to kill them. Think of those schizophrenic tests that ask "every day at noon the devil tells me to kill someone" and you'll get the picture. Within 2 months, I had decided that I didn't want to act on the impulses, since that would be murder, as delineated by Canadian law. Also, the Koran brought back memories of my fight to get rid of the indoctrinated NAZIISM that we all go through. As kids we all are white supremacist, blacks and Jews and gays are evil, etc. So this was a return to the battlefield when I was 19. 19 years of NAZIISM that I had been fighting in myself and in others, and now it was all coming back, like a gift from God.
My time as a believing Muslim lasted a whole 2 months. I spat propaganda like the others, I believed the science, I was IT. This is probably the shortest time that anyone has ever been a Muslim, but I learned enough to get away.
Again with the Acadhimmis. Last winter (2003) I took a course on Islam. I got the same old, same old that no Greek existed, Islam is the true religion. The professor even implied that Hitler was a hero, if not God! More NAZIISM, right in the schools, getting away with murder. He also implied, along with another professor of another course, that I was a racist and that all the materials I used for my papers were biased and were racist too. Needless to say, I haven't taken another course with them.
My final and absolute step away from Islam happened last spring in a course I was taking on the history of religion and science to 1600. In this course, I learned that, yes, indeed do the Greek works survive and they are plentiful. That put the Islamic propaganda to rest. At this same time, I began searching for anything on Ibn Warraq, since I had read one of his books in the Islam class (the professor said he had an "axe to grind", and he said that Ibn al-Rawandi is "an angry man"). Indeed I found more about him; in fact I found his website. I posted in the guestbook and the forum and read the articles. I bought all 5 books soon afterwards. I emailed him and he's the sweetest person I have ever talked to. I am guaranteed 1 friend in the world, even if I can't see him.
My long and painful journey of leaving Islam, without any help at all, is over. The only problem now is that I have to watch my back, super-back up my essays with notes, and live with constant fear/diarrhea everyday. Only then will they be put in their place.
Feel free to print this or send it to family and friends. If I'm the only ex-Muslim voice any of you have heard, then now you know what you're up against. I hope you all understand what I have to live with everyday.
Questions & Answers
- Did Ali Sina's or other apostates' websites catalyze your doubts and/or matured you to apostatise?
Yes they did. Ibn Warraq's site helped a lot to dispel my doubts finally. Ali Sina's helped me to see why I had believed in Islam in the first place, and why I had typical Muslim doubts.
- Did you tell your family about your apostasy?
No, and I didn't tell anyone about my half-conversion either.
- If no, would you love to tell them but don't because you fear to loose them?
Sometimes I wish I could, but they are somewhat PC and would not understand fully.
- Do you tell non-Muslims you are an ex-Muslim?
Only online. I can't tell people face-to-face because of their favoritism for all religions, or they are too blind to understand.
- Do you tell Muslims of your apostasy?
I told one online and I got a death threat. I hadn't realized the person on the other end was Muslim.
- Do you fear retaliation about your apostasy? If so, from whom?
I fear Muslims in general, and PC acadhimmi profs most of all. The profs did give me subtle death threats in their own sleazy way.
- Do you feel the need to help other Muslims apostates?
- Do you feel the need to warn non-Muslims about Islam?
Yes, but most of the ex-Muslims I know online already know the dangers of Islam, so we take the fight to other forums.