Deeanna (former Muslim)

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This is a testimony of a Muslim leaving Islam. It was originally posted at the FaithFreedom website and has been reproduced here with permission. Views contained in these testimonies are not necessarily endorsed by WikiIslam. See the Testimony Disclaimer for details.
Personal information
Country of origin    United States Flag of United States.png
Gender    F
Faith Information
Current worldview Humanist
Born or convert to Islam? Convert to Islam
Parents' worldview Various

Letter to Ali Sina[edit]

O.K, you guys were right all along, I was one of those people, Who really wanted Islam to be good. I thought you guys at FaithFreedom were just hate mongers, Although I recognized you had some valid points, Still I wanted so much for Islam to be good that I fell into its trap and tried to make it good. Yet I noticed my brothers and sisters in Islam would praise me when I praised Islam, but just as quickly and readily demonized me when I began to question all the lies I was told about Islam. You see, I knew nothing of Islam - nothing at all. September 11 was my first introduction to Islam, but I was so eager to love the world right into a better world. Muslims began telling me that Osama was to Islam as the anti-Christ was to Christianity. They told me Islam was all about peace and love and that Muhammad was some great prophet of peace. They praised him as though he were pro-women. They basically made him into a god, but they did not tell me about his evil actions; and when I began to learn of them and wanted to discuss them (because I still wanted to believe Islam was good and perhaps there was some good explanation for why Muhammad would commit such evils). However, I quickly learned that to dare to question Muhammad is to be demonized, threatened, abused etc. They see themselves as doing good, and so I began to study and learn all the more. After 5 or 6 years of research and trying so hard to prove you all wrong, all I have found is that you were right all along.

I put some of your challenges before my Islamic friends as though they were my own challenges. They could not dispute them - they merely attacked and demonized me instead. The very people I worked so hard to defend became my enemies. As they demonized me more and more, I began to get angry and the more I saw the truth about Islam, the angrier I became. I was hurt very, very hurt; afraid, shocked and humiliated. On one hand they try to convert people to Islam, try to convince people that Islam is about love and peace, but never did they show me this alleged love and peace; nor did they show this love and peace to anyone else who did not glorify Islam as they did. I started off full of love and eager to embrace Islam and be embraced by it. I defended it; I told the lies it had trained me to tell, I proclaimed Islam was about peace, because that's what they told me. They told me the very word Islam means peace, but they lied. Now I know it means submission, which is the opposite of peace. I did the world no justice when I helped to glorify Islam then. Now, because I know the truth - the whole truth about Islam, and because of all that it has done to me and because of what it has done to believers and disbelievers alike, I hate Islam. By saying this I am often demonized and Muslims see me only with hatred. But they do not understand. I hate Islam because I love humanity. I love the believers and the disbelievers alike, and I hate what Islam has done to them, For what it has done to humanity I hate Islam and never again will I defended it. Never will I submit I will not bow nor will I submit!

But I thank you Faith Freedom for daring to stand because you are the true heroes of the land!

Response from Ali Sina[edit]

Dear Dee Anna,

You are lucky that you do not live in an Islamic country or you would not have had the chance to leave Islam. Millions of so-called Muslims are desperate to leave this cult, but they know that they can't or they would pay for it with their lives.

Wish you all the best

Ali Sina

2nd Letter from Deeanna - 2007/02/07[edit]

Yes my friend, I assure you I do tell people about your site. In fact, I talked to one of the Muhammad worshipers (because basically that's what Islam really boils down to) about your site, and explained how accurate you seemed. I was hoping for some response such as: "Well Islam has done some wrong and I'm so sorry for that." Instead he said that you guys were a bunch of Baptist preachers who got together and made all these sites to make Islam look bad! He also told me how educated he was and basically implied that because he is so educated and I am not, he is right and I am wrong.

I was a slave because of the shackles I put on my self, but I did it out of love. I knew first hand what it is like to be a victim of discrimination, a victim of hate and a victim of evil. In my heart I could not bear that others should be as I had been, so full of pain and sorrow. I was desperate to belong in a world where I did not know my place. I struggled to conform, struggled to fit in; but there was always something different about me. I always knew all forms of abuse. I knew this abuse even as a baby, but of all these forms of abuse, the one that caused me the utmost suffering was the lack of love. I was starved for love, starved to matter in this world; and to starve for love is a pain greater than I could bear. It was something I would not wish on my worst enemy. As I grew older, I saw that it was not only my siblings and I who suffered in this world, but the world was full of suffering people - People starved for love and a place to belong. So I decided I would make it my goal to love the world right into a better place for us all. I was doing that 'pay it forward' thing before there was ever a movie about it.

I grew up being raised by many different people; from Atheists to strict religious people. My step grandfather was an atheist, my grandmother a catholic. Both were very abusive to me. Religion was a constant in my life, and as I passed from one family to another and to the next, abuse and hellfire and brimstone teachings were a constant. But I rebelled against the notion that a good loving god could be so psychotic, and I raised my voice and said so. I said so not because I wanted to hurt the believers, but because I wanted to love the disbelievers as well as the believers. For that I was demonized and called Satan at times, etc. Still I loved the believers, so I tried to please them, but I also loved the disbelievers. This left me stuck in the middle somehow. Out of love I walked away from it all. When I learned about how many religions there were, I decided that perhaps my fate, my destiny - in my quest for a better world, was to find the golden sparks within each faith and use them to help humanity love one another as equals not with all the differences and divisions that currently exist. I was so happy. At last I had found my path.

September 11 happened to us all and my first response when I found out Osama was a Muslim and there was a religion called Islam, was love and mercy. I wanted to ensure that not all of Islam was persecuted for what Osama had done. Therefore, I defended Islam and Muslims. I still didn't know squat about it though. Some Muslims told me that Islam was about peace and love and Muhammad was a great prophet of peace, who loved and liberated women. They made him sound Christ-like, and made Islam sound like some small persecuted religion of peace and non-violence. All I felt was an innocent love and acceptance. I sought to embrace Islam with love; to love and be loved - and work together for a better world for all people. But from the start I was lied to. They depicted Muslims as the poor peaceful yet persecuted minority. The truth is that Islam is the persecutor of minorities. Still at first, I had questions about the faith and the founder of the faith. All I wanted was to love and be loved. After all, I had had some very bad experiences in my own Christian background. I had been demonized so many times as a child, that I began to be truly afraid that the devil was in me. After all, I was accused so many times, because I would not bow, nor would I submit to anything as barbaric as eternal hell for humanity.

After I embraced Islam with love, I discovered too late that Islam was even worse, and its eternal hell even more barbaric. A submitted slave who dares to question the faith is as bad as a disbeliever. Once again I was demonized; demonized because I dared to love, dared to stand for the disbelievers as equal to the believers. Now I stand again and walk away - now yet again I am cast down and again demonized and Satanized. But I have a message and that message is: I do not walk away from Islam because I hate the believers. Oh no! I walk away because I love the disbelievers, and I am thoroughly ashamed of how we, the believers, have treated them. Yet still I love you as believers, but I love the disbelievers too. I did not bow for the belief that demonized the disbelievers and condemned them to eternal hellfire in my own original religion. Why would I bow for such a barbaric belief in a new religion that is even crueler to the disbelievers? You can make me the great Satan in your minds; you can demonize me if you must, but I walk away - not because I hate, but because I LOVE! I love the disbelievers as much as I love the believers and never will I submit to any eternal evil cast upon them. You may vilify me and satanize me if you have to, but someday, someday you will have to ask yourselves why your devil loves more than your god. I am, and have been, a slave. But now I am setting my self free.

P.S. I love you all! I think you are the great heroes of the world and the most beautiful people and I am ever so grateful that you stood. I love all of you thank you Faith Freedom!

Final response from Ali Sina[edit]

Dear Dee Anna

I believe you have found the essence of religion within yourself. Religion is a way to find God in our hearts and to love our fellow being. You have done both on your own. You reached your destination flying! You took no roads. All roads were shown to be torturous and thorny for you. Yes, love is the essence of religion. This is the eternal principle of all good philosophies and faiths. Once you reach the point that you love all mankind and become blind to the differences that separate us, you have reached the pinnacle of human-ness. This is a lofty station at the reach of all of us and yet it is the path less trodden.

Many people who defend Islam do it out of the goodness in their hearts. They have the best of intentions. Alas the road to hell is paved with good intentions. In Persian we say, "Kindness to the wolf is cruelty to the sheep". Unfortunately the world is reluctant to see Muslims as wolves. Muslims are wolves for what they believe and what they practice. It is their demonic cult that converts them into deceitful and hate-mongering murderers. Otherwise we are all born innocent and pure. We become who we are through indoctrination. You were lied to, like all of us. Every Muslim is lied to and he then takes upon himself to perpetuate that lie, to keep lying to himself and to others. But we are free. No amount of indoctrination can overcome our free will. Once we come to age and can make choices on our own then the excuse that I was indoctrinated is not a valid excuse anymore. We become responsible for our actions, for what we believe and what we do. Muslims are not innocent. They are guilty for what they believe and for what they do. There is no excuse for hating our fellow being. Foolishness is not an excuse.

Ali Sina

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