Azdaha (former Muslim)
Testimony of Leaving Islam
First a few words about my family. I was born in a middle-class family to a non-practicing mother and a less-practicing father. We are three brothers and I am the second one. All of us, including my parents, are like buddies and we do not impose on each other.
When my brother and I were kids, our father used to take us to the mosque for prayers. He never forced us to come. I remember at the time, I was only interested in lying in my father's lap while he was doing dhikr [tasbeehat] after getting done with the prayers. As we grew older, our father stopped taking us to the mosque instead he would just ask us to pray, however my brother and I being alike, were not interested in prayers etc. The only time my parents scolded or punished all three of us was for not studying or getting poor grades. I do not remember that anytime my brother and I were religious, we just used to believe in Quran and Muhammad.
Time passed and I got admission in a University for studying Computer Science. I built up my interest in computer programming and soon became a very good programmer among my friends. Programming became my life and my passion - my dream is to become 'The best programmer'. One day I was watching TV, and just by mistake switched to ‘PeaceTV’, a channel started by IRF [Zakir Naik’s organization]. I started watching a debate by Zakir Naik. I was so impressed by him that I began to watch his debates daily and even started offering my prayers regularly. Though I still did not support jihad or the events of 9/11 etc.
Later, I got influenced by Maulana Tariq Jamil [now I call him Farigh Jamil], and I became more practicing and god-fearing. Since my childhood I had many questions about God and religion. I swept them under the carpet by thinking that I can't understand as my mind is too young for this. After graduating, I started working. I came across people of different faiths and religion which prompted me to think and question many things.
Questions like what is their mistake if they accepted beliefs different from the Quran and teachings of Muhammad? Why will they be tortured eternally? Why God in the Quran is all about hatred, punishment and torture? What difference will it make to God if I don't believe in him? Why should he punish me forever for that? How can a creator be so ruthless that he will torture his own creation forever just because they didn't believe in him? Why everything in this world or universe seems to be a natural process and there is no clue of involvement of any god or Supreme Being? And if God has to punish me forever then he must come to me and tell me himself, otherwise he has no right to torture me even a bit. These and many other questions kept coming to my mind, but nobody had any answers for me. Hence, I stopped practicing Islam again and decided that if God is there, he does not give a damn about what I am doing on the earth.
The journey out of Islam is not an easy one.I'm still going through a painful process but I hope everything will be alright.